Monthly Archives: October 2026

The Lord appears from Heaven

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I saw him! He rose again after he was taken from us! Early in the morning, before daylight, I was greeted by our Lord who appeared unto me from heaven. I was overcome but even in my great joy I was able to ask him why he had had to die, leaving us all so bereft. He told me to fear not, all was as it was meant to be. Had he not foretold of God’s holy city, his mighty Kingdom, becoming a reality throughout the Earth? Now in power and glory it would be wondrously manifest. ‘I will watch over you,’ he told me, ‘and be with you always.’

A great sense of power came over me, as it did everyone I told about the return of the Lord. Like mine, their grief and apprehension dissipated as they were filled with joy at the Lord’s appearance. He was, as we all now knew, truly man and truly God.

I, Proculus Julius, hereby swear that my word is true.

Proculus Julius lived in the 8th century BCE. His story of seeing Romulus appear in the heavens after his disappearance/death comes down to us via Livy (first century BCE) and Plutarch (first century CE). It is here rendered by me (21st century CE).

Does it ring any bells for anyone?

Premonitions

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Have your ever had visions or premonitions? When I say visions I don’t mean an outward manifestation of a supernatural being or ghost. These things don’t exist so you can’t see them out there, hovering about in the real world. You can however ‘see’ them in your head, as the earliest Christians envisioned the risen Jesus. This doesn’t mean they’re actually in your head, just that you perceive them to be. If they’re vivid enough, you can be fooled into thinking they have a physical presence out in reality. But they don’t; they don’t physically manifest. There is nothing supernatural about them. Visions are a phenomenon of the mind only, occurring under certain, often traumatic, conditions.

Premonitions are a little different. They are the spontaneous appearance in your mind of an event that has yet to happen. Like visions, these are not supernatural occurrences, but the product of the mind. I’ve had a few in my time:

  • Back in my fanatical Christian days, I saw the exact circumstances, that led to the conversion of some college friends. This was months before I’d gone to college and I hadn’t even met the friends in question. I wrote about it here.
  • While on a plane in severe difficulties, I saw a clear picture of  landing safely in Miami. I told my young daughter who was with me that we needn’t worry – the plane’s other passengers were in a state of high panic – that our time hadn’t yet come. (I thought I’d written about this previously too but can’t locate it here).
  • Years ago I saw myself talking to a soul mate in a bar on a cruise ship. This was in the days when I didn’t take – and didn’t want to take – holidays of any sort and long before I had any intention of coming out. Holidaying on a ship was never on my horizons, and, as far as I was concerned, never would be. Yet, strangely I knew to trust that the premonition would one day materialise in reality. Dennis and I have now been together 8 years and frequent bars on cruise ships with alarming regularity.

Here’s what I think happens when premonitions like this occur, at least the ones in my head and probably in the heads of others who experience them. The brain has a set of data about any given scenario. It gathers this data from a wide range of sources: our life experience, others’ experiences, stories, our preoccupations and so on. Added to this data is what is usually more than a little wishful thinking, together with subconscious impulses. The brain then creates a likely or even probable scenario for itself which gives us a momentary but realistic glimpse of what could lie in the future. as for their ‘fulfilment’, there’s also a degree of self-fulfilling prophecy involved, plus the convenient forgetting of those glimpses that don’t ever materialise in the real world.

Nonetheless, the premonitions the brain does create can be vivid and realistic. They’re not illogical or inconsistent in the way dreams can be. As a result, they are pretty convincing.

Which is why, despite her age (95) and how ill she was this summer, I wasn’t persuaded my mother was dying.

A couple of years ago, in what I regard as a premonition, I saw the circumstances of my mum’s death. They were not the same as those she endured during the summer. Rather, she falls asleep in a chair, one she’s only just started using, and when I* go in the room later she has gone.

Perhaps I’ll be proved wrong. Maybe there’s too much wishful thinking in this scenario; I want my mum to take her leave gently and peacefully.

We shall see.

I’ve also had a glimpse of my own demise, but that’s a story for another day.

*Or perhaps it’s my sister; I saw this through my own eyes but it’s more likely it’ll be my sister, who lives nearer, that will find my mum. Whichever, that’s not me in the picture above. I could only hope to be as handsome. Thanks AI.

How A Non-Believer Faces Death

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My mother became seriously ill back in May. As she was 95 this was a real concern and of course my sister and I immediately thought that this must be the beginning of the end for our mother.

My mum had packed an overnight bag and phoned for an ambulance herself after she started haemorrhaging. After waiting in A&E for several hours she was eventually misdiagnosed as having an infection. High doses of powerful antibiotics were then pumped into her intravenously for the next ten days, the back of her hands a mass of angry bruises from all the cannula inserted into them.

It wasn’t until after ten days that a doctor – she saw a different one every day – decided that as the antibiotics seemed only to be making her worse, she might not have an infection at all. He sent her for an internal scan which revealed she had suffered an internal rupture that had caused the haemorrhaging. The rupture had however begun to heal itself and consequently, though she was very ill from the effects of the antibiotics, she was discharged. It looked very much like she had been sent home to die.

The antibiotics it turned out had damaged her stomach and intestine and had seriously impaired her kidney function. Her own doctor took her off all medication to give my mother’s body a chance to heal itself. It seemed an unlikely prospect given her age and condition. By this time my mother was tired and weary of the whole process and prepared herself to die. She willed it on, in fact, unable to cope with the pain and the failure of her digestive system. When I visited her, she spoke a lot about wanting life to be over.

She was realistic about the life she had had, feeling that overall it had been good – though it was not without problems and heartache – and said she would have liked it to continue a little while longer. She was ready though to embrace oblivion and willed herself not to wake up each time she fell asleep. She made peace with her death, which to some extent helped my sister and me come to terms with it too. All the same, I couldn’t believe this was the end of my mum, a significant and loving presence in my life for all of my 71 years.

I tell you all this to emphasise just how a non-believer faces their extinction. Not with pleas to a God who isn’t there but realistically, unsentimentally, stoically. I could only admire my mother’s bravery and hope I’ll show the same courage when my time comes. The old saw that there are no atheists in fox holes is just that: a meaningless and vaguely offensive cliché.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

My mother didn’t die. After a few agonising weeks she began slowly to recover; very slowly. Her doctor’s gamble and her own deep-set determination allowed her to turn a corner. She began to eat again; an extremely limited diet and a trial and error process that often made her ill again, but gradually she began to put on weight again. Eventually she became mobile again; limited to be sure, but a start. She began to take an interest in the world again and to watch TV. She said though that she was worried abut recovering because she couldn’t face going through the process of dying all over again.

I stayed with her for 3½ weeks last month so my sister who lives nearer her could take a holiday. My mother began to make her own breakfast and lunch again and to take small walks outside. The steely resolve that had prepared her for death and also helped her recover, now set her on a course of regaining her independence again. This is where she is at now, making progress still, pushing herself to do more. How much time she has left, no-one knows. Of course it’s likely to be short, given her age, but it will be a gift however long, however brief. And I suspect she won’t have to go through the process of dying again. But more on that next time.